Overcoming Offenses

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Transcript:

Well, this morning we’re going to be in Colossians chapter three, Colossians chapter three. Actually, we’re going to start in Colossians chapter three and end in Colossians chapter three. But we’re going to look at some other verses in the middle there.

We’re going to look at Colossians chapter three, starting in verse 12, if you already turned there, we’re going to look at verses 12 through 15. And it says, starting in verse 12, put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved vows of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering, forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things, put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.

And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body, and be ye thankful. So this is the image that the New Testament says is really the ideal for the church, for what kind of body we’re supposed to be. It tells us to, in the beginning there, put on therefore as the elect of God.

In other words, act like the elect of God. He said, you’re part of God’s family, act like it. And he says that we’re supposed to act as though we are holy and beloved.

Not that we’re putting on an act, but God has said, if you belong to me and you’re set apart for my purpose, you are holy. We don’t always act like it, but we are holy in God’s sight, and we are beloved in God’s sight, and so he’s telling us to act like it. And he says, put on therefore bowels of mercies.

Now, I realize that it’s kind of strange to talk about the bowels, but in their eastern culture, or middle eastern culture, that was the seat of the emotions. We would say the heart. Other cultures say different areas, the kidneys, the spleen.

If any of you know Mark Lowry, he tells a great story about this topic and tries to imagine somebody telling their wife, baby, I love you with both my kidneys. It sounds strange to us, but in certain cultures it might work. So where he’s talking about bowels for their culture, you know how sometimes you just feel something in your gut?

And that’s why they say that. We would identify the heart as the seed of emotion, though. So to put that in our context, think of him saying, put on a heart full of mercy.

And you get the context of what he was saying. And he says on top of that, put on kindness, humbleness of mind. Humbleness of mind doesn’t mean I think I’m dirt.

It means I think you’re wonderful. It’s not about putting ourselves down. It’s about elevating other people.

That’s humility. And meekness. Meekness is not weakness.

Meekness is power under control. Control yourself. Be gentle in the way you deal with others.

Long-suffering means suffer each other a long time. Be patient with each other. As a matter of fact, I think the word long-suffering tells the story better than the word patient.

Because sometimes to be patient, it means you have to suffer with somebody’s nonsense for a long time. Forbearing one another. That means putting up with one another.

Forbearing one another and forgiving one another. And this is the image that God sets up and says, this is what the church should be. This is how we ought to be with one another.

This is what the world ought to see when they look at us. Unfortunately, it’s not always the case, is it? It’s not always the case that the church acts this way.

And I want to preface everything I say this morning by pointing out that I don’t know of any conflicts going on. I don’t know of any conflicts going on between anybody in this room or anybody that’s part of this church and may not be here today, okay? And so it’s easier to talk about these things when there’s not a conflict, or I don’t know about one, because then nobody can accuse me.

Well, he’s just meddling. No, I’m just telling you what God’s Word says, okay? But unfortunately, this is not always the way churches operate.

Has anybody in here ever been hurt in church? Can I see your hand? Anybody?

Okay. I’m sure more than that, and we just don’t want to admit it. I won’t ask you to raise your hand this time, but has anybody ever hurt somebody else in church?

And I’m not saying you meant to. I can raise my hand there and say, I’ve said something before that maybe I think somebody took the wrong way, but the bottom line is I hurt somebody. We are all human, absolutely.

People get hurt in church. And I told you last week that as we talk about changing our thinking to say that we’re going to focus on the lost more than we focus on our needs and wants and preferences, that reaching people with the gospel has got to be first and foremost, or quite frankly, this or any church will die. That if our primary focus is not on what God has given us to do, which is to reach the lost and make disciples for Christ, any church that does not put as much or more emphasis and more time and energy into that than they do in meeting my preferences and my wants and my desires, that church is going to eventually die.

And that’s just the brutal truth. And so I told you last week, we were going to talk about some of the things that are a hindrance about the church, whether we are guilty of them or not. Some of the things that people say, this is why I don’t want to be involved in the church.

This is why I don’t care what you have to say. This is why I think church is irrelevant. And if you don’t think that church is irrelevant to people today, look at how full this room is this morning, and versus how full Walmart and cash saver will be when we leave here.

And I’m not saying you’re a bad person if you go to Walmart or cash saver on Sunday. Occasionally, I have to run through there and grab something on the way home for lunch. Look at how full, you know, if it wasn’t three degrees outside, look at how full the golf courses would be or the ball fields.

And we can sit back and we can say, shame on them, they ought to be in church. Okay, maybe, but that really doesn’t fix anything. Better said, let’s look at some of the obstacles, some of the things that keep people from even caring what we have to say.

Because I think there are a lot of people who would be interested in the gospel, and I’m not saying everybody, but there are a lot of people around us who would be interested in the gospel if somebody cared enough to tell them. And I think with the amount of love and friendship that we find in this room and so many other churches, there would be people who crave this kind of thing. We are a disconnected society.

People come home, they open their garage door, they go in, They shut the garage door and they hide in their living rooms in front of a screen. And we’re not as connected to each other as we used to be. And there’s something in us that cries out for that.

That’s why there’s social media. People want to connect. And there’s an opportunity for that here.

There’s an opportunity for people to be loved and for needs to be met and people to be ministered to if we could just get past the obstacles that keep people away. And I’m not telling you this morning that we can fix one or two things and people are just going to come running. But I’m going to say if we do our job and go out and try to reach people with the gospel of Christ, these are some things that we’re going to have to work on, not just us, but any church, that we’re going to have to work on to overcome some of the obstacles that are just built into people at this point, the way they see the church.

And one of the most common things that we hear is, I’ve been hurt in church. And I’m not even talking about the lost. I’m talking about believers. I know this morning, believers, good Christian people who are not involved in church because they’ve been hurt.

For example, and I hope they wouldn’t mind me sharing this. My parents went to church regularly. But growing up, we were very involved in church.

And then about the time I was in sixth grade, we experienced a church split. And my parents, well, and then the church disbanded as a result of the split. and my parents were so involved with the church and and and loved and cared about the people on both sides of this so much that when all the ugliness came out it devastated my parents and it took years for them to get back involved in church to any extent they went to church still so maybe it’s not a perfect example but for years they didn’t join anywhere they didn’t get involved in ministry anywhere because there was a fear of being hurt again.

And people do get hurt in church and many turn their backs on church entirely as a result. Some people leave a particular church, some people leave the entire idea of church because they’ve been hurt. But the fact that people get hurt in church also tells me there’s a meaningful connection there because it’s only in meaningful relationships that we really get hurt, if you think about it.

I’ve been treated rudely by people at restaurants before. That just goes along with it. I’ve been treated rudely by people at restaurants.

It didn’t keep me from going to restaurants, and sometimes it didn’t keep me from going back to that restaurant, because I don’t have a personal relationship with those people. I don’t care if they like me or not. I don’t go in there and be rude to them.

Please don’t misunderstand. But if somebody’s rude to me, it’s annoying and it makes me mad, but it doesn’t really hurt me. On the other hand, if somebody’s a close friend and they say something cutting, it hurts, right?

That’s why we can be hurt. You know, we’re not hurt when the person, when the cashier at the gas station says, I don’t love you. But when a spouse says, I don’t love you anymore, that’s a different story, isn’t it?

Because there was a meaningful relationship there, and so it hurts. When a stranger says, I don’t want anything to do with you, you may be wondering why. What did I do wrong?

When your child says it to you, I don’t want anything to do with you, that hurts. See, it’s in meaningful relationships where we get hurt. Because we open ourselves up to somebody and we connect to somebody.

And when they don’t meet up to our expectations, there’s a hurt there. And the reason people get hurt in church is because they expect to be able to connect to people. They expect to be able to have a relationship.

And just like any other relationship, the closer you get to somebody and the more you open yourself up, the more opportunity there is to hurt one another. And it’s because we’re human. See, you take one sinner and you take another sinner and you put them in close proximity to each other and you put them close to each other.

Anytime you do that, hurt is a risk. You run a risk of somebody being hurt. Because sinners are like sandpaper.

We’re kind of rough on the edges. And when we rub up against each other, there’s going to be friction. There’s going to be heat.

now that doesn’t mean we should just go around hurting each other and oh it’s okay because I’m a sinner now there’s nothing in the bible that oh I’m a sinner so it’s okay even though it’s sin oh God says you’re a sinner this is reality but let’s deal with it and ultimately he dealt with it at the cross but he also indwells us with his holy spirit to where he says let me help you to do better to be more like Jesus and so anytime you put two sinners in any kind of meaningful relationship, there’s a risk of somebody being hurt. And when somebody’s hurt, if they can, they will try to avoid that situation further. Now, you’ve been hurt by co-workers, you can’t always quit work.

You’ve been hurt by family members, you can’t always avoid family events. Sometimes you can, but you can’t always. But church, for a lot of us, is easy to just jump out of.

Because the sad fact is, unfortunately, many Christians even see the fellowship of the church as being something optional. And it’s really not. It’s really not. God expects us to be part of the local church.

He put us together as the local church, which, by the way, is more than just attending services. It’s about being part of the fellowship of the local church. He put us together for our own good and for the good of the church, the opportunity to minister together.

We can do more for God’s kingdom together than we can alone. And so he put us together for our good and for the good of the ministry, for the good of the kingdom. When I say it’s not optional, don’t misunderstand.

Can you be saved without being a church member? Yes, you can. Does the New Testament teach that fellowship with a local church is part of our obedient service toward God?

Also, yes. Can you be saved without being a church member? Yes.

Can you be obedient while deliberately saying, I want nothing to do with the church? I don’t believe so. Everything I read in the New Testament, and again, that’s not membership.

Sometimes you’re in a place where, okay, there’s not a church that believes enough like me that I can join, but you can go be part of the fellowship. And there are some of you in this room this morning that may or may not be members, but you’re part of the body, you’re part of the fellowship. We have some that are not members who come and are more active than some who are members.

So what I’m talking about this morning is not having your name on the roll. I’m talking about being part of the body and being part of the fellowship of the church. It’s part of our obedience to Jesus Christ. But when we’re part of the church, when we’re part of the church, there are going to be hurts.

Because what I read to us in Colossians this morning, what we looked at is the ideal, but just like anything else that God says, here’s the standard, here’s the ideal. We’re really good at falling way short of that, aren’t we? God says, here’s where I want you to be. And we’re just down here looking up and saying, you know, God can move us closer to that, but we’re never perfect.

We’re never perfect. God says his standard for us is absolute sinless perfection. none of us ever get there.

God’s ideal for the Christian, God’s plan for the Christian is for us to grow to be like Jesus Christ. Am I ever going to be exactly like Jesus Christ? No. But by the power of God’s Holy Spirit, he moves me closer and closer all the time.

So we looked this morning at dealing with the hurts, and maybe some of you have been hurt in church. Maybe some of you have hurt others. I don’t know.

Maybe you’ll talk to people that say, you know, no, I don’t want to thank you for inviting me to Trinity. I don’t want to go though because I’ve been hurt. And maybe this morning gives us some way to change our thinking to avoid that as much as we can.

Maybe this morning is about giving you some information that you can respond to somebody in love and encourage them to be obedient and be part of the church. Maybe this is just about trying to love and forgive better and present a picture to a world that needs to see it. But the first thing that we need to understand about this, and if you’re following along with your notes in your bullets, and this is the first line there, the first thing we need to know is that hurts and offenses are inevitable because we are sinners.

Hurts and offenses are inevitable because we’re sinners. That hurt inevitable, it’s going to happen. I am absolutely certain that I exist. I am absolutely certain that unless the world ends, it’s going to be night in a little bit, and then there’s going to come day after that.

I’m certain, you know, some things have happened from the beginning of the world, and unless the world ends, I’m certain that they’ll continue. There are things that we know are going to happen. It’s a certainty that hurts and offenses are going to happen, not just in the church, but as I said, any place, any time you get two or more sinners together.

It’ll happen in the church. It’ll happen in the family. It’ll happen in the workplace.

It’ll happen in marriage. I know I’ve hurt charla’s feelings before because she’s told me and charla’s hurt my feelings before it happens and we deal with it and we move on but it doesn’t mean we want to hurt each other when I’ve seen that that look on her face where I know I’ve just hurt her it it kills me and so I want to do everything I can to avoid ever doing that again and that’s how we ought to be as the church well they can get over it that’s just the way I know as as brothers and sisters we should be looking and saying if this is going to hurt my brother or sister in Christ. This is the last thing I want to do. We need to be sensitive to one another.

But we’ve also got to realize that the church is never going to be perfect. This or any other church will never be perfect. And as long as we are sinners living in a sinful world, hurts and offenses are inevitable.

And if you’re wondering where that idea comes from, turn with me real quick to James chapter 4. James chapter 4 verse 1 says, from whence come wars and fighting among you. He’s writing to the believers.

He’s writing to the Jewish believers that are scattered all over the Roman Empire at that point. And he says, from whence come wars and fighting among you? And he’s not even talking really about mankind as a whole and all the wars and conflicts, although this principle applies.

But he says, where do the wars and fighting, where does the conflict come from that is among you? He’s talking to the Christians. He says, there’s conflict among you.

Where does that come from? He says, come they not hence even of your lusts that war in your members. And again, he’s not talking about the members of the church.

A lot of times when the Bible, when the New Testament uses the word members, it’s talking about parts of the body. And that word lust we think of as being something sexual, not necessarily. That’s one aspect of it, but not necessarily.

What he’s talking about is selfishness. He’s talking about that sin nature that pops up. And yes, lust can be a craving for something sexual. Lust can also be lusting after power.

It can be lusting after money. It can be lusting after acceptance, lusting after admiration, all sorts of things. Anything within us that is selfish that wells up from that sin nature and leads us to treat other people selfishly and put other people’s needs second to our own is one of those lusts, and we all have it.

We all have that sinful nature that’s screaming out in our brain saying, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. He says, if you want to know where the source of conflict is among the brethren, it’s right there. It’s in our selfish, sinful nature.

And by the way, I’d submit to you again that that principle applies to the wider world as well. Why is there war? Because there’s sin.

Why is there violence? Why is there crime? Because there’s sin.

Why is there anything bad? Folks, we can trace it back to sin. But he says conflict in the church comes because we’re sinners.

So what we take from that is conflict in the church will stop, and conflicts between people will stop when we stop being sinners. And that hasn’t happened yet, has it? So we need to realize, when somebody gets hurt or somebody gets offended, it’s not because the church is terrible.

It’s not because the church is just cold and unfeeling, and that’s just a mean church. No, it’s a church composed of sinners. And sinners are going to hurt each other wherever they are, whether it’s in the church, whether it’s in the home, whether it’s in the workplace, wherever.

It’s inevitable. And I hope that realizing that helps us avoid the temptation to say, well, that church is just mean. Somebody said something hateful to me, and that church is just mean.

I want nothing to do with church anymore. It’s not because the church is evil. It’s because we’re sinners.

And yes, sin is evil, but it’s not that church. It’s human nature. It’s the sin nature.

Of course, the church, we can train ourselves and train each other to do a better job about fighting that. Hurts and offenses are inevitable because we’re sinners. But second of all, we resist offending by being servants to those around us.

Yes, it’s going to happen, but we can resist it. We can fight it off. We can hold it back as much as possible.

And the way we do that is by learning to be servants of those around us. Because that’s the opposite of that lust that wells up in us and says, it’s all about me, me, me, me, me, and what I want and what I think and what I need. The opposite of that is to be a servant and say, what about you?

In Philippians chapter 2, I told you we were going to jump around to several passages this morning. I hate doing that. I hate the shotgun approach where we’re just looking at scriptures everywhere, but sometimes, you know, it can’t be helped all the time.

Philippians chapter 2, starting in verse 3, really he’s talking here about being like and he gives the example later on in the chapter of Jesus as the ultimate humble servant. And before that, he goes on in verses 3 and 4 to say, In light of what Jesus is and has done, he says, Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory, but in lowliness of mind, let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

So he says, he’s writing to the church at Philippi, and he’s in this great chapter. I’d encourage you to go and read all of chapter 2 at some point. Great chapter talking about the humility of Christ and his servanthood.

But in light of that, he says, don’t do anything out of a desire to have conflict, or a desire to have your own way, or a desire for yourself to be glorified. He says, but in lowliness of mind, start thinking of yourself as a servant. lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves and again this idea of lowliness of mind this idea of humility is not of saying oh I’m worthless I’m dirt I can’t do anything right it’s not about bringing yourself down because remember you’re created in the image of god and he loved you enough to die for your sins it’s not about saying I’m dirt and bringing yourself down it’s about raising other people up in your view.

Because the normal human nature is to say I am up here and what I want is up here and what Julie wants is down here and what June wants is down here and if I can give them what they want, great but what ultimately matters is what I want. Servanthood turns that on its head and says what I want is down here and what matters is what I can do for Julie and for June and for Ken. Servanthood says, I’m going to take care of you first. I’m going to take care of you first. And that’s what he’s saying.

Don’t do things out of conflict and strife and pride, but humble yourself. See yourself as a servant. Learn to put others ahead of yourself.

And he says in verse four, look not every man on his own things, but every man also in the things of others. He says, take care of each other. Take care of each other’s needs.

And when we do that when we make that part of who we are, and that takes God’s help. That takes God’s work in us. But when we do that, we resist that urge to get our own way, which is where conflict comes from and where hurt comes from and where offense comes from.

Does that mean we’re going to be able to do that perfectly and we’re never going to hurt anybody? We’re never going to get hurt? No.

It’s going to happen, but it doesn’t mean we have to let it happen as much as it possibly could. Charlie’s dog gets out of the part of the yard where he’s supposed to be. He gets into my garden, and I don’t like it because he digs and he makes a mess.

I don’t like him in that area. It’s going to happen. It’s inevitable.

He’s learned he can jump the chicken wire fence that I’ve got. It’s inevitable. But does that mean I should let it happen just as much as it possibly could, take down the chicken wire fence, and just let him have the run of the place?

No. I hold it back. I hold that giant bear of a dog back as best I can with my feeble chicken wire.

And somehow it works most of the time. Still, it’s inevitable he’s going to get through some of the time. And that’s how we are with this.

We still have that sin nature. But with God’s help, we hold it back and we resist it. And the way we do that is by seeing ourselves as servants.

Third of all, we overcome offenses. We overcome the offenses by being quick to seek reconciliation. I said we can resist it and we can try really hard to resist it.

It’s still going to happen sometimes. What do we do then? Well, then we need to overcome these offenses.

And we do that by being quick to seek reconciliation. In Matthew chapter 5, as part of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told his disciples, Therefore, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee, leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way. First be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

He says, if you’re coming to worship, if you’re coming to serve the Lord, and you realize that you’ve offended somebody, you realize you’ve hurt somebody, you need to go and be reconciled first. That’s why we talk, too, about examining ourselves and church conflict before the Lord’s Supper, because the church at Corinth was facing conflict and division. And they were coming to the Lord’s table, and it was just a free-for-all. And Paul said it’s not supposed to be that way.

You’re supposed to come together as one in the church, and you’re supposed to come together to the Lord’s table, and you’re supposed to do this as an act of worship. So he says examine yourselves. And so we talk each time about examining ourselves and getting right with God and getting right with each other.

So when we realize we’ve wronged somebody, we don’t just let it go and say, well, it’s up to them. Or, you know what, how dare they get mad at me? That’s their problem.

I wasn’t wrong. I’ll give you a little peek into our marriage, but it’s about me, so it’s probably okay. I don’t get mad at Charla over very much.

The one thing that is guaranteed to make me mad at her, though, is knowing she’s mad at me. Because I’m always right. And how dare she be mad at me?

I can overlook just about anything else that happens until she gets mad at me. And then that’s what makes me mad, because by golly, I’m right. And shame on her for not recognizing that.

You laugh, but we have that attitude sometimes with other people. They say I offended them. Well, how dare they?

How dare they not just know my sense of humor? How dare they not recognize that I’m right? I’ve had this attitude with other people.

You know what? When I start having that attitude, God nails me about it right in the conscience. And I end up apologizing to her for two things.

God has a great sense of humor about it. Oh, you didn’t want to apologize? Well, now you get to apologize twice.

I end up feeling convicted and feeling sorry about it, and I have to go and apologize to my wife, not only for the thing I did that made her mad, but for being mad at her for being mad at me. But you know what it is? It’s because I can’t stand, I can’t stand friction in the relationship.

I can’t stand when there’s an obstacle in the relationship. I just want things to be reconciled. Sometimes I’ll get sideways with my mother.

My mother and I are very close, but we don’t agree on everything. And sometimes she’ll get mad at me and by golly, I’m right. But I end up apologizing anyway because I just want things to be reconciled.

And I think that’s how, I don’t hold myself up and say, hey, be like me. But I think that’s how God wants us to be. I think God wants us to desire reconciliation more than being right.

And I had to learn that the hard way. I was just telling Benjamin last night because he’s gotten into arguing and wanting to always be right. And I said, son, I know this because you’re me.

I’m you? What does that mean? We’re not exactly the same people.

I know nothing about superheroes. I couldn’t care less. We don’t have all the same interests.

We’re not exactly the same people. I said, but you are enough like me that I see the road you’re headed down. I said, and growing up, I always had to be the smartest person in the room.

I always had to be right. I couldn’t let the argument go. And about the time I got to high school, I realized people are not wanting to be around me anymore.

I said, you’re going to go the same way if you don’t. And I was telling him, sometimes you’ve got to learn to just stop arguing, even if you’re right. Even if you think you’re right, the relationship is more important.

What’s more important is reconciliation. And so sometimes you’ve just got to put your pride aside and say, it doesn’t matter whether I was right and you were wrong. What matters is that we’re reconciled to each other.

That’s what the Bible tells us. If you realize your brother has something against you, go to him and make it right. There are other places where we’re told to forgive.

It doesn’t matter if your brother wronged you. Forgive him and make it right. And ideally, it shouldn’t be one running to the other to make it right.

It should be, you know, those scenes on the beach where they play the sappy music and the couple’s running toward each other? That’s how we should be. It should be a contest to see who can reconcile first. Because God never presents this picture of the church being a loving, forgiving place because we’re perfect people, but being a loving, forgiving place because we are going to offend each other, we are going to hurt each other, and yet we should care more about each other than the offense.

And we should seek reconciliation above everything, above being right, above our pride, above our hurt. There’s a reason for this. It’s not just so we can be nice to each other, although that’s important.

It’s not just so that people will feel good when they come here, although that’s important. I mean, I don’t want anybody leaving mad at each other or me. But the ultimate reason why this is so important, why it’s important for us to work through these hurts and offenses together the right way and with the world outside the right way is because it’s a picture of the gospel.

We reflect the gospel by the way we deal with offenses. There are people outside these four walls who may have never heard the gospel, who may have never sat under an evangelistic sermon, who may know that Jesus died but have no clue that he died to pay for their sins.