Honoring Our Authorities

Listen Online:

Transcript:

If you’ll turn with me in your Bibles to Exodus chapter 20, I’d like to take a few minutes tonight to talk to you about the fifth commandment as we go through this series on the ten commandments and what they mean, especially how they apply to us in a New Testament context. We come tonight to the fifth commandment, which says in Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. And some of you may immediately, because of age or because your parents are no longer living, may immediately check out and say, well, this doesn’t apply to me anymore.

But just hang with me for a few minutes because I believe it does. I believe there are still ways that we can honor our parents and follow this command, and I think there are good reasons why at any age we ought to do so. tells us, honor your father and your mother.

We immediately think of that usually as something for little children. And Charla and I have had conversations about this this week, what it means to honor your parents as an adult. Because, for example, we don’t do everything our parents tell us to.

Okay? Is that wrong to admit at 30 and 33? We don’t do everything our parents tell us to.

We’re kind of at the phase of life where, you know, the scriptures say a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. If we hadn’t done the leaving out from under our parents, you know, it would come between us. And that’s certainly not something that God wants to do.

Not that our parents are troublemakers. Those of you who have been married, you understand. Even in-laws with the best of intentions have different ideas.

And so we have to decide things between the two of us. And it doesn’t always correspond to what our parents would do. So we’ve discussed this week that in our 30s, we’re not in a phase of life where our parents say jump and we say how high.

We do solicit their advice, and sometimes they offer it unsolicited. And we listen to them and we take them seriously. And sometimes we take the advice and sometimes we just go ahead and do what we were going to do anyway.

And hopefully that’s the kind of relationship I’ll have with my children and I’ll be okay with it when they get older. Now they still need to ask how high when I tell them to jump. But we’ve talked about what it means to honor your parents at different stages of life.

Now for a child, the scripture is pretty clear on what is expected from a child when it comes to honoring the parents. We see in Ephesians chapter 6, verses 1 through 3, Ephesians chapter 6, 1 through 3, if you want to turn there or if you want to write it down, because I’d encourage you, if you don’t turn there, I’d encourage you to go read it for yourself later on. The Apostle Paul said, children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. So children are taught part of honoring your parents is to obey them. Now, I’d submit to you there’s more than just obeying and honoring because my kids sometimes obey me without honoring me.

All right. And you understand that difference. If you’ve ever had a child that you’ve told go clean your room and they go clean their room, but they stop off snarling and spitting the whole way.

They may obey you, but in their heart, they’re not honoring you. And I know that I used to do that to my parents some, too. It’s just part of being a child, and that’s part of being chastened and disciplined and learning what it is we’re supposed to do.

So a child is supposed to honor their parents in terms of obedience. Now, there’s still application for this principle to the life of an adult, though. One of many places where the Bible talks about this is Proverbs 13, 1, where it says, a wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

There are many places, especially in the Proverbs, where you can look and see how the Bible indicates that a father and a mother are supposed to teach and encourage their children. And I don’t think they’re just talking about young children. I think this goes up into early adulthood, especially once you first get out of the house.

You know, there’s a need to listen to what you’ve been taught. There’s a need to continue in what mom and dad said. And I’ve seen many people grow up in church.

I’ve seen many people grow up with Christian parents. And I know they were taught the right things because we grew up together. And I know how they were raised.

But as soon as they got out from mom and dad’s roof, maybe went to college at 18, maybe early 20s, they didn’t go to college, but maybe early 20s moved out and started their own life. And suddenly we’re not under mom and dad’s roof anymore. and we’re just going to do everything exactly the way we want to and forget everything they’ve taught us.

And I look at many of these stories and they haven’t worked out always as well as people had hoped. There’s something to be said for, you know what, I’m 18, I make my own decisions, but I still need to keep in mind what my parents taught me. I won’t say that I’ve always done this perfectly, but it’s something I tried to do and I feel like it worked out fairly well for me.

And that was kind of an odd transition. The day I turned 18, see, my parents made sure we told the line. They weren’t super strict, but they made sure we behaved and did what we were supposed to do.

And at 18, I remember shortly after that birthday, asking my parents what they thought about what I should do about something in particular. I don’t remember what it was. And they said, well, we can’t tell you what to do.

Since when? I’m not set up for this. I don’t know how this is.

What? I’m asking for your advice. And my parents will still give advice.

But it falls to me at that point. I’m no longer, they’re no longer responsible for the choices I make, you know, up to adulthood. And in our culture, for some reason, we’ve chosen the arbitrary age of 18.

I don’t know why, but that’s what we’ve chosen. In the scriptures, they had different ideas in their cultures about when adulthood started. But at the point of adulthood, up until then, your parents are responsible for making sure you do the right thing and responsible for making sure they guide your choices.

At adulthood, you all know this, your parents are no longer responsible for the choices you make. You become responsible for following through on the things that they taught you. And, you know, I’ve had, not here, but I’ve had a deacon ask me before, how am I still qualified for ministry?

You know, it says you’re supposed to have your children in subjection and rule your house well. And how am I still qualified to be a deacon? Look at how my children are living.

Your children are 40, okay? At some point, they become responsible for their choices and not you. If you did the best you could to teach them and lead them in a godly direction, they’re not in your house anymore, and at some point, they become responsible.

So as adults, we can still honor our parents, especially when they taught us the right things growing up. Some of you may be saying, my parents were not godly people, my parents did not teach me godly things. That’s a separate discussion.

But for those of you who did grow up with parents who tried to point you in the right direction, even as an adult, we’re not called on necessarily to obey everything they say. You know, I have to take the job mommy and daddy tell me to. I have to buy a house where they tell me to.

We’re not called on to obey them in that sense, but we can still honor them by trying to follow the principles and teachings that they instilled into us. One of the things we’re taught in scripture, we’re looking at several several passages tonight to inform our view of this one verse from Exodus 20. 12.

One of the things that we see in Scripture is that there’s a lot more to honoring our parents than just our words, okay? There’s a lot more than just honoring them, saying nice things about them at a birthday or mother’s day or father’s day or talking nicely to them. There’s more to that.

honoring our parents is about action, doing the right thing by them. And really, we’re going to see in the midst of this discussion that honoring our parents really is not even just about honoring our parents. Those are the training wheels that God gives us starting out very early to teach us how to respond to God-given authority.

We’re going to see that here at the very last part. That’s giving you a sneak peek of where we’re going tonight. As I sat there and studied on this commandment over the last couple of weeks, I realized that’s really the importance of this.

Yes, it’s important as children that we obey our parents. It’s important as adults that we don’t make our parents ashamed. Those are all good things.

But really, this is the training. The fifth commandment and our dealings with our parents are sort of the training wheels for how we’re going to respond to any God-given authority that he’s placed in our lives. But I’m going to look at a passage here in Mark chapter 6, where we see some people who miss the mark of honoring their parents as God would have them to do.

Mark chapter 7. I’ve got the notes on my tablet, but I’m going to turn there in my Bible. I’m more comfortable reading it to you off the pages than out of the tablet.

Mark chapter 7, starting in verse 6. This is Jesus speaking. He answered and said to them, And well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me, and in vain they worship me, teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.

Now, I’ve spoken on this passage, or it might have been the parallel passage in Matthew, in recent months on Sunday mornings, talking about the tendency to follow man-made rules instead of following what God says. But there’s an application here because the rule that they’re not following and going with man-made rules instead has to do with what God said about honoring your parents. He says in verse 8, For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men, the washing of pitchers and cups, and many other such things you do.

He said to them, verse 9, All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition. For Moses said, honor your father and mother, and he who curses father or mother, let him be put to death. Now that’s not found in Exodus 20.

It’s not found in what we just read, but it is written in the law of Moses. He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death. Verse 11, but you say, if a man says to his father or mother, whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban, that is a gift to God, then you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother, making the word of God no effect through your tradition, which you have handed down, and many such things you do.

Now Jesus says this is not even the only place that you go wrong, but this is one of many things that you do wrong. You see, the Pharisees had this habit of, they always wanted to look godlier than they really were, and they wanted to look like they were doing the right thing outwardly, and yet be able to, they wanted to eat their cake and have it too. I always hear the phrase, have your cake and eat it too.

Well, you can do that, but you can’t eat your cake and have it too, because after you’ve eaten it, it’s gone. You can’t have it anymore. I learned a while back, I forget what I read, but that was the phrase.

They wanted to eat their cake and have it too. They wanted to have it both ways. Look godly by giving their money away, but still have the money to keep for themselves.

And so they found the loophole around this. You know, they’re supposed to honor their father and mother. There was an application of that command that they were supposed to take care of their parents.

You know, they weren’t supposed to just dump them off in a home. And by the way, I’m not knocking you. Some of you have had to put a parent in a nursing home, and I’m not criticizing you for that.

Sometimes they need more help than what we can reasonably provide. We’re kind of going through that with a relative right now with dementia. Are they going to have to go into a home or not because family has tried to care for them and they just require more care?

So when I say dumping them off in a home, I’m not trying to make anybody feel bad about choices they’ve made, if they’ve made the best choice for their parents. What I’m talking about is the tendency to say, you know, you’re old, you’re trouble. We don’t want to deal with you, so we’re just going to put you in here and you’re somebody else’s problem.

We don’t have to come visit you. We don’t have to. And we’ve heard stories about people who have been done that way.

And that’s kind of what they were doing. They weren’t even saying, here, we’re going to pay to put you in a home. Their parents were just kind of left out in the street because they were supposed to care for their parents.

They were supposed to support their parents. It’s only right. I mean, I remember growing up in the youth group, hearing our youth pastor say, treat your parents right because by the time you were born to them, you already owed them for nine months rent.

that’s absolutely true you know so don’t don’t think your parents don’t deserve to be to be treated right you already owed them at the moment you were you were born the pharisees were neglecting the command of god to take care of their parents and they were treating them with the ultimate dishonor by just casting them aside and saying well I can’t do anything for you because that money that money that I I should My money that I should be using to support you, I won’t go into great detail about the Corbin gift because I’ve done that before. But what they were doing basically is saying the money that I’m supposed to take care of you with is going to be set aside as a gift to the temple.

So it’s like if your parent could no longer live on their own and needed help, instead of you taking them in, or instead of you finding a home where they could live and get the help they needed, You just said, I’m sorry, enjoy your time on the street, and by the way, a donation has been made in your name to Trinity Baptist Church. This is essentially what they were doing. Is that any way to honor their parents?

Now, they would say, well, we’re honoring them. You know, this money, what an opportunity for them, that this money should be set aside for the use of the temple on their behalf. Okay, that’s great, except they have these needs over here.

And the Bible teaches that what we’re not supposed to do is say, you know, be ye warmed and filled and leave and not help the person. Well, I hope you, you know, if we have the means to help for us to say, well, I hope you get the help you need and we just go on about our merry way. No, we’re supposed to take care of the widows and the orphans.

God wants us to care for the vulnerable. But that’s essentially what they were doing. They were leaving their parents out in the gutter while they made these lavish donations to the temple, which, by the way, in some tellings of it, as I understand, they got to keep the money until they died.

It was just set aside for God’s use, kind of like they left it in their will to the temple. So the Pharisees were really good at eating their cake and having it too, giving the money to God and not really having to give it. And all the while their parents were bearing the brunt of the disobedience and their parents were the ones being left to starve out in the streets.

and Jesus points this out to them and says, this is awful. Why are you doing this? Not only is this a terrible thing that you’re doing to your parents, but you’re disobeying God in the process.

They were wrong both in their practical application and in their spiritual condition. And that’s where a lot of the issue arises with honoring our parents. I know as a child, when I would disobey my parents, It was not just, it’s not that the cleaning of the room or the not cleaning of the room was that big of a deal. It was what it revealed about the condition of the heart.

And when I would sometimes, you know, my mother would send me in there to pick up my Legos. And I didn’t want to do it. I’d be so mad mom wouldn’t let me go play outside until I’d pick up my Legos.

I’d just grit my teeth and I’d go as slow as I could to pick up my Legos. Not realizing, hey, idiot, pick up your Legos and you can go outside like you want. You don’t realize how annoying it is until you have a three-foot version of yourself doing the same thing to you.

But I would grit my teeth and go as slow as I could to pick up my Legos, thinking I was going to show her. And what that really did was reveal what was wrong in my heart. And yes, it’s a big deal that the Pharisees were leaving their parents to starve out on the street corner.

But it also said something very disturbing about what was going on in their hearts. Folks, honoring our parents has more to do than just, it’s more than just empty words. It’s more than just lip service.

Say, oh, I love my mom. Oh, my dad’s a great guy. Well, then do something about it.

Take care of your parents. Respect your parents. Make your parents proud.

You know, I’m 33 years old. I still want my parents to be proud of me. I still want my parents to be proud of me.

One day when they’re no longer here, I’ll still want to make them proud. and I know that because my grandfather that passed away right after I came to pastor here I still something will happen and and at least once a week I think about picking up the phone and calling Papa and man I’d really love to tell him what’s going on with this because he was always so proud and I have that kind of relationship with my parents too I want to I want to honor them and be close to them and and make them proud and you know if your parents are no longer living you can still live a life that would make them proud. You can honor their legacy in that way.

But honoring our parents, folks, has much more to do. There’s much more to it than just the empty words of, oh, I love mom, I love dad. It has to do with actually doing something out of that respect for them.

Which brings me to the last thing we’re going to look at tonight. And I’ve already hinted in this direction for you, that really the significance of the fifth commandment comes from what it reveals about our attitude toward authority in general. It’s what it reveals about authority, our relationship to authority in general. Now, it can be sometimes a little uncomfortable talking about authority because I, well, I’m just fairly libertarian in my outlook on life, and I don’t just mean politics. I mean, my wife will say, why are you doing that?

Why are you going this way in the car? And I’ve answered enough times because I’m a free American that now my children repeat it too. That’s a problem.

You know, I just, I, you know, I like freedom and I like choice. And sometimes the idea of submitting to authority is uncomfortable to me. But as Christians, we have to realize that there’s a balance to be found here because God did create us free.

I believe that. He created us to be free. And he created us with free will and with moral responsibility.

But at the same time, God created us with authority in place because a lot of times we don’t make the best decisions when we’re free. And so God, Benjamin and I in Bible class are getting into the book of Judges. And we see Joshua was gone and the whole generation that had served with Joshua was gone.

And as soon as the last of them that had served with Joshua, as soon as that last person was dead, they just went crazy. The Israelites went crazy. Everybody did what was right in their own eyes.

and it turned out that nobody did what was right in God’s eyes. So we, as a sinful species, God put authority here to kind of rein us in a little bit. So there’s a balance to be found.

When I say that, I want to make it clear that churches should promote liberty, but churches should also teach our people to give the right respect to our God-given authorities. That’s a hard balance to find sometimes. But the reason why this is so significant, this fifth commandment, the reason why God attaches such importance to it that he’s willing to make a promise with it, the Bible says it’s the first commandment with promise, is because this tells us, our dealings with our parents put on display for all to see how we relate to authority in general and how we relate to the authority of God in particular.

Think about the people you know who are the most rebellious toward their parents. who are the most disrespectful, and I’m not just talking about children, I’m talking about adults too, the most disrespectful toward their parents, the most dismissive of their parents. Don’t name any names.

You have a picture in mind who you’re thinking of? Now what kind of relationship does that person appear to have with God? It’s usually going to be the same general kind of relationship.

I’m not saying that everybody who doesn’t get along with their parents has a bad relationship with God, But there’s a way to have disagreements without being disrespectful. I don’t always see eye to eye with my parents. Sometimes my mother and I get very upset with each other.

But I’m never disrespectful. There’s a way to disagree without being disrespectful. I’m talking about the people who just are bitter and ugly toward their parents, treat their parents like garbage, by and large.

I’m talking general principles here. So you may have somebody in your mind, Oh, but they seem to have a great relationship with God. Okay, I’m talking general principles.

People who treat their parents like garbage do not tend to have a close and respectful relationship toward God. They do not seem to have the reverence toward God that they ought to have. Okay, just general principles here.

Also, somebody that you would see cursing out their parents in the grocery store, Probably not going to think twice about cursing out a police officer. Probably not going to think twice about cursing out a teacher or a pastor or an elected official. You see, the command to respect our authority when we’re young, when we’re children, when we’re at home, when it’s fairly easy, is a training ground to prepare us to respect all the others that God has placed in authority over us. You say, now, preacher, that’s a pretty big leap here.

You’re saying people that have bad relationships with their parents have bad relationships with God. That’s not what I said. I said people who have disrespect in their heart toward their parents, people who have disrespect in their heart toward their parents tend to have less problem or tend to have less hesitation to show disrespect toward God.

If I said it incorrectly earlier, go with what I just said. somebody who will curse out their parents is much more likely to curse out the police officer, the elected official, the pastor, the teacher, the coach, whoever it is, and is more likely, I believe, to shake their fist at God. Now, if you’re still thinking that’s quite a leap, well, it’s not my opinion.

It’s pointed out in Scripture in a couple of places where in the New Testament it talks about people in lists of all these sins, and it talks about people being disobedient to parents. There’s one instance in what Paul wrote to Timothy in either 1 or 2 Timothy. I didn’t write that passage down.

But in Romans chapter 1, he’s pretty clear. Some of you are familiar with Romans chapter 1. It describes, I think it’s fairly well known for its description of homosexuality, but Romans chapter 1 really is dealing with the symptoms of a society that has wandered far from God.

And we see this progression, this downward spiral throughout Romans chapter 1, where as a society, as individuals in a society move further from God, the society moves further from God, and as a society moves further from God, the morals decline and the behavior declines, and soon sin is just out of control. And what we see in Romans chapter 1 is Paul making the beginnings of the case that all human beings are sinful and separated from God. so that he can then in later chapters talk about the gospel.

We see this description of what it starts to look like when society’s on the decline, when we’ve wandered far from God. And he says in Romans chapter 1, starting in verse 28, and even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, they knew what God expected, and they didn’t want it. They didn’t want to do what God said.

As they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind. Now, the King James says reprobate mind. Some of you have asked what translation I’m using.

I’ve been using the New King James Version just because I don’t have to spend as much time explaining some of the old words. It follows along fairly closely. It says a reprobate mind.

The New King James says a debased mind. And it says God gave them over to that. Now, some people have said, well, okay, then God makes them sin.

No, no, no, no. God’s saying, fine, if that’s what you want, I’m going to let you go that route. If that’s what you want to do. And so because of their total rejection of God, God allowed them to follow the path that they were determined to go down.

He says to do those things which are not fitting. Verse 29. And here’s where he describes the results of the reprobate mind.

Being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness. They are whisperers, meaning gossipers, rumor starters. He says in verse 30, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents.

Now, that’s always seemed kind of odd that he would include that in there. Disobedient to parents, you see they go hand in hand. See, when we don’t learn early on, or at some point, and maybe you were disobedient to your parents early on, there’s still time to honor your parents.

There’s still time from this day forward to do what God’s called us to do. But if we don’t learn to honor our parents, we won’t learn, I believe, to honor God. These things all go hand in hand.

Disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful, who knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same, but also approve of those who practice them. And some people have looked at this and said, see, the New Testament is saying we ought to put homosexuals to death. No.

No, there’s a whole list of things there that he says are worthy of death. So the Christians just want to put people to death. No, it says we’re worthy of death.

Guess what? It says in Romans 3, the wages of sin is death. It’s not saying that you and I get to write out the paycheck.

The wages of sin is death, and God’s going to take care of that. But we all fall into that category, apart from Jesus Christ. Who of us in here has not done something on this list? Who of us in here have not had some kind of attitude that fits somewhere in this list?

I can tell you I have. I can tell you I still struggle with some of these things. There’s no point in the Christian life, I believe, where you come to a point and say, oh, I’m great.

Sin’s not a problem anymore. I’m just perfect now. Doesn’t happen.

Right. Lying? Lying’s got to be somewhere on the list. No, we never get to that point of being perfect.

We still struggle with sin. As believers, we should rail against the sin that’s in us. And this says this is all worthy of death, not only to do them, but also to take pleasure in seeing them done.

When we’re cheering it on, that’s sin as well. God says it’s deserving of death. Thank goodness there’s pardon, there’s mercy, there’s forgiveness in Jesus Christ. Because he’s not describing, folks, we need to be very clear, He’s not describing a class of people out there.

He’s not describing the world outside the walls of the church. He’s describing the condition that’s common to mankind. These things go hand in hand.

Disobedient to parents, haters of God. What we see is if we learn to show a pattern of disrespect to parents, we’ll have no problem having a pattern of disrespect toward God or toward others. Some of these sins that are committed on here aren’t just offenses against God.

They’re things that hurt other people. So why does it matter so much how we respond to our parents? Why does it matter so much how we honor them while they’re living and even honor the legacy that they tried to leave us or should have left us?

Why does it matter so much? Precisely because it is the training wheel. It’s the training wheels for how we respond to other authority, for how we respond to God’s authority, how we respond to the other authorities that God has put in our lives.

We learn these things. We learn these things at home. We’re supposed to learn these things at home.

And you all know this is true. I should have taken a lot shorter time to explain this tonight because you all know this is true. I’ve heard some of you talk about how society is going awry because people aren’t teaching their children the things that they’re supposed to at home.

We know this. We seem to know this instinctively that these things are taught at home. And how we respond to our parents has enormous impact on how we respond to God.